#but im slowly getting things done
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clockworkreapers · 5 months ago
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Some custom Hades style sprites
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casualavocados · 4 months ago
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#he doesn't want to fight with you ai di, he wants to Kiss🙄💘🥺
Nat Chen as CHEN YI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userrain#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#okay i made this specifically for the 3rd gif bc chen yi's expressions are making me giggle nonstop i was doubled over in tears last night#HE JUST WANTS TO KISS!! AI DI HE LOVES YOU LET HIM HIT IJDKSKG#okay real talk though the fact that he actually gives ai di space 90% of the time. lets him hang out at the bar#like he isnt following him around or constantly dogging him about giving him an answer not does he ever rly ACCUSE ai di of anything#he uses the zhang teng excuse to keep ai di from avoiding him but he doesnt try to keep him where he can see him constantly.#he lets ai di do his own thing and just spends time connecting the dots during the moments ai di comes back of his OWN VOLITION#& he slowly puts together what ai di is refusing to admit and makes his own intentions known without putting them in words either#besides stating his observations (& watching ai di react). Every interaction between them when ai di gets out of prison is like that#gifs 1&2 vs 4&5... letting ai di pull away because he doesnt know whats going on vs pulling him back both to say hey we arent done-#& say im still here FOR YOU - to see how ai di reacts being so close to chen yi after finding him hugging his jacket in his sleep#and then once hes Figured It Out he still keeps the space!! sends gifts... he only Acts when ai di comes back to him himself!!!!#and this time he's READY. and a simp. like. PLS the last 2 gifs..........dude. he wants to kiss so bad
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triglycercule · 2 months ago
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instead of nightmare approaching horror to recruit him for the gang i think it would be cooler if he talked to undyne about it. because she would not hesitate TWICE to ship horror off to fuck knows where in the multiverse
like booo booo boring horror would never cooperate and agree to join nightmare without him doing some extra work that he cant be bothered 2 do bc its doesn't benefit him enough 4 the effort put in. AND THAT METHOD DOESN'T EVEN GIVE HIM MORE NEGATIVITY!!!!! nonono the king deserves a show :3 so he goes to undyne who's the craziest of everyone in horrortale and yk yk does some stupid mind manipulation. maybe in exchange for horror he makes up some bullshit lie about how he could save alphys (is she even alive atp) or the rest of the underground and provide them food (like the same deal that nightmare WOULD offer horror) and undynes like 70x more fucked up than horror so of course she's accept in a heartbeat. shes the queen!!!! shes supposed to provide for her subjects (even tho shes kinda. erm. making them all suffer)!!!! and all it would take was a sacrifice of the guy she lowkey doesn't like??? undyne has more reason to accept a deal like that from nm than horror ever would. and it wouldnt be the first time she sacrificed horror anyways lol
idk she sends royal guards out to snatch up horror in the middle of the day (nightmare told her to make it dramatic and tense :3) (all of snowdin would probably follow in concern because OMG WHERE IS SANS GOING????) and then yeah. just like that horrors gone! nightmare probably didn't even give him a chance to say bye to paps. undyne never ends up getting the food nightmare promised because hes a bitchass like that (and papyrus probably ends up taking up the full leader role of food provider for snowdin (if undyne even lets snowdin stay out of her control) good luck for him!)
if horror had a nickel for everytime he got forced to be a sacrifice he'd have 2 nickels. which is actually 2 too much in his eye HES PISSED!!!!!! rightfully so become man ☹️ taken away from his world without even a choice or a reason (to his knowledge) or anything to benefit him??? and now hes STUCK in this disney movie castle with two freaks who look like him (what the FUCK) and then the most annoying THING he's ever had the misfortune of getting kidnapped by. he is in misery. it sucks. he IS infact bitter. if he ever came back to horrortale (which he literally would never get to without dying or losing his stolen eye) he would 500% commit anarchy and finally get rid of undynes annoying ass ‼️‼️
#horror gets to join killer in the forcefully kidnapped into the gang group#would horror lose hope of ever getting back to horrortale???? yeah probably :3#unlike dust he doesn't have dt so he would NAUGHT be that persistent#dust would die trying getting back to dusttale. horror would just want to die after not being able to get back#unlike dust (debatable) or killer (he's done all he can do to help his world and wants to move on) horror still has attatchments in his au#i KNOW the constant thought that snowdin is starving without him HAUNTS him like a plaugue#im like 80% sure horrortale would not survive without horror. it would implode without horror to keep undyne somewhat in check#NOOOO because like what if it was after Aliza manages to help all of horrortale???? like undyne#like she manages to get through the undyne somehow and everything seems to be going up slowly#horror FOR ONCE has hope for everyone again and then nightmare comes in and undoes ALLLL of aliza's progress!!!!!!#THE HOPE GETTING RIPPED AWAY FROM HORROR AFTER SEEING THINGS RECOVERING WOULD DESTROY HIM (maybe idk)#can just imagine killer having to be on suicide watch for horror bc nm can tell he's in a bad mood bc of that hope#killer doesnt have to be on suicide watch for dust bc he wont let himself die if his human still exists but horror?????#horror would not have the same will that dust and killer do. he tries to jump off buildings every mission#horror leaning off a ledge and killer's just holding onto his hood like man stop it this is wasteful and pointless#why does he keep trying to kill himself and have to make killer deal with this. cant horror just like get the fuck over it and do his job#anyways dust and horror exchanging stories about their aus and reminiscing about things before it all went bad#horror gets pissy anytime dust makes an offhand comment tying his story about the genos#dust completely ignores him when horror mentions something about the famine and how it fucked everything up#they rather just take this moment to pretend everything is alright in their memories#in that moment its almost like looking into a mirror. ok triglycercule getting a bit TOO poetic there#horrordust seeing sans in eachother only when they talk about their pasts and making it a way to deal with all thats changed#tricule hc#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#nightmare sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#nightmare's gang
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puppyeared · 1 year ago
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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raynecloud06 · 15 days ago
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Hi. Idk how to start this, so let's just get right to the chase.
I had the silly little idea to make an alt blog here on Tumblr, that is solely dedicated to my silly little project SEKAI AU ideas for based on many different cards. Not full fledged storylines or anything of the sort, just some basic ideas.
I have a few reasons for this; A) I enjoy making au ideas, but I cannot for the life of me actually do anything substantial with them, B) I've shared, like, two au ideas here on my main blog before and a few people seemed to like those, and C) I want to take requests on this blog, which would give me the chance to branch out to au ideas and aus involving ships (mostly romantic, but also platonic) that I wouldn't have otherwise.
(Also, these ideas will all be free to use so long as you credit and/or tag me. And while I do have some personal "don't"regarding requests, I believe they're pretty small and outside of them, you can go hog wild.)
Still gotta actually get all the rules and stuff a bit more finalized before I can actually make the blog and junk, but I decided to do a poll first to see if people would even be interested in something like that. So...
(It's totally fine if the answer is no btw. If I get more no's than yes's, then I'll just keep posting any au ideas i really love on here occasionally. This is just to see if people would be interested in at least following a blog like that.)
(Also, I don't think I shared a lot of details regarding this, so if you have any questions you want to ask at any point, please do, and I'll answer them to the best of my ability!)
Have a wonderhoy day :D
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cherubchoirs · 6 months ago
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stumbles out of the first week of the summer semester covered in blood: bwah? huh???
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crescentfool · 8 months ago
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so you want to use OBS
hello! i’ve decided to compile information on my OBS setup and some resources that have helped me along the way.  this is mostly for personal reference, but maybe others can make use of this information!
some notes before i get into it:
i use OBS for both offline recording and (twitch) streaming. any footage i record is edited using DaVinci Resolve 18, which is free.
most of my OBS captures are of video games (through a USB capture card, specifically elgato), and the occasional screen/application capture (like clip studio paint, and sometimes PC games).
as such, the information here is reflective of these experiences. this post is not comprehensive to all of OBS’s features- this is just an overview of the settings and configurations that are most relevant to me.
with that out of the way, all the information will be under the cut!
Basic Setup
file format:
how to change: settings -> output -> recording -> recording format -> press “apply” once finished!
I save most of my recordings as .mkv files- it supports multi-track audio! i prefer .mkv over .mp4 because if your power goes out, you still have a recording to work with. 
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.mkv files can be read by DaVinci Resolve without an issue- but for Adobe software, they'll need to be remuxed to .mp4 within OBS! (file -> remux recordings -> press the … to select a file -> press the “remux” button)
video resolution and framerate:
how to change: settings -> video -> output (scaled) resolution
my obs canvas is @ 1920 x 1080p (16:9)
i switch between 720p and 1080p as needed! if you're concerned about space, you can probably just go for 720p. i also record at 30 fps, simply because that’s what my capture card supports.
video bitrate:
how to change: settings -> output -> encoder settings (located in both the streaming and recording tab) -> press “apply” once finished!
bitrate is a bit of a doozy to explain, but the most important thing to know is that bitrate affects your video’s quality. lower numbers = lower quality, while higher numbers = higher quality. 
generally speaking, you'll want higher bitrate when you're recording things with high depth of information (e.g. you’d want a higher bitrate for something fast-paced like splatoon, compared to a slower-paced game like animal crossing).
my video bitrate is either set to 3000 or 4000 kbps! and here's some of my other (related) settings while i'm at it:
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you can put your bitrate at much higher values than me if you're a stickler for quality- but keep in mind that a higher bitrate means:
bigger file size
more information to upload (when streaming)
your computer will need to encode more
i’d recommend reading twitch’s guidelines on encoding, bitrate, resolution, and framerate to get an idea of what values to pick. for people who are doing offline recording or streaming on a different platform, i suggest googling the appropriate resources!
multi-track audio:
this is mostly applicable to anyone looking to do video editing!
multi-track audio basically allows you to separate your audio sources (e.g. discord, game audio, and your own microphone) into different tracks. 
this is an immensely helpful tool because it lets you adjust audio levels in post-production (editing). some examples of how this can be used:
increasing someones microphone volume if they speak too softly
increasing/decreasing game audio
muting swear words/sensitive information
completely muting voice call + microphone if you want to upload a no commentary video
and more!
to set this up, take a look at your audio mixer panel, and press the ⚙ icon. this will bring up advanced audio properties.
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by checkmarking a track box, it puts the audio on that track. to make the above screenshot easier to digest:
track 1 consists of ALL three audio sources- desktop, elgato, and microphone.
track 2 only has the microphone audio.
track 3 only has desktop audio (i use this for voice calls)
track 4 only has the elgato capture card audio (game audio). the volume has also been lowered so that any speaking voices can be heard clearly.
tracks 5 and 6 are unused.
you might be wondering, “why do all three of these have 1 checked off?” this is what i call the universal audio track. i recommend having a universal audio track for a few reasons:
when you stream from OBS onto twitch/youtube- you have to select ONE audio track.
it’s also a nice backup in case you didn’t separate your audio correctly.
if for whatever reason you need to move around your individual audio tracks in editing, the universal track acts as a nice reference point.
mark off your audio tracks for each audio source as you see fit! once you’re finished with the advanced audio properties, go to settings > output.
for the streaming tab, you’ll want to have the number of your universal audio track selected. in my case, that will be audio track 1.
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for the recording tab, checkmark all the audio tracks that are applicable to you (in my case, audio tracks 1, 2, 3, and 4). by default, only audio track 1 is selected.
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if you don’t check off the additional audio tracks in the output > recordings section, you will not have access to those audio tracks in editing, and you won’t be able to edit your audio tracks independently of each other. so don’t forget to do this! 👍
custom browser docks
custom browser docks are a great tool for when you’re streaming and want to have access to your twitch chat and/or activity feed! (or if you wanted to have some other web browser on OBS).
to create one, go to docks -> custom browser docks.
you’ll be given a table interface that asks you to put the dock name and URL. for streamers who want to have chat and alerts available, do the following:
on twitch’s homepage, go to the upper right and click your icon
then, click creator dashboard
once you’re on your dashboard, go to stream manager
click the vertical “...” on my chat OR activity feed.
press “pop-out chat” OR “pop-out activity feed”
copy and paste the link into the table back into OBS
press apply once you’re done
click and drag the docks around at your leisure to put them where you like!
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if you ever decide you don’t want to have something on your OBS dock (or want to bring something back), go to the toolbar, click “docks,�� and click the appropriate dock!
third party things
a section of optional things that you may enjoy having.
streamlabs alerts
this is basically for anyone who streams and wants to have their chat and/or follower notifications visualized on screen!
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streamlab alerts can be added to OBS by adding a browser source into your scene, and the specifics can be customized on streamlabs itself. it’s pretty self-explanatory, so i’ll just leave a link to streamlabs website, where you can log in using the streaming platform of your choice: https://streamlabs.com/
discord overlay
this is a browser source that can be set up to show people who are in a server's voice chat and who speaks. i recommend this to people who make multiplayer content- it can help viewers distinguish who is who but also it can be helpful in editing.
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to set this up, go to https://streamkit.discord.com/overlay, click “install for OBS,” and after logging in with discord, go to “voice widget” and click the server and voice channel you want.
you are able to apply CSS if you'd like more control over the visuals, but the standard layout tends to work fine for me! a search of “discord overlay css” on youtube can help you get more information.
veadotube mini
this is a pngtuber software that a friend recommended to me! no webcam is required- mouth opening and closing is based on your microphone input!
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you can download it here (it’s pay what you want!): https://olmewe.itch.io/veadotube-mini
for a proper tutorial on how to use it, i recommend checking out the app's documentation, which you can read here: https://veado.tube/help/
source record
have you ever wanted to stream something with a chat overlay/layout, but wanted your recording to ONLY be the gameplay? or maybe you wanted to record BOTH your gameplay AND your webcam so that you can have a crisp zoom-in on your webcam!
source record is a third party plugin that can help you with that!
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the general gist of source record involves applying the “source record” filter on either a scene or source, and customizing the encoding settings accordingly. the exact details of how to set it up is beyond the scope of this post, so I'll just direct people to this video instead (it was very helpful to me):
youtube
⚠ a quick note about source record: this plugin can be intense for your computer. be sure to do test recordings and the like to see what your computer can handle (and see if the recordings come out the way you like). it took me a few tests before i settled onto something i liked!
you can download and install source record here: https://obsproject.com/forum/resources/source-record.1285/
vdo.ninja
have you ever wanted to do a collaborative video or stream where you feature someone else’s video on your stream? or maybe you’re doing a multi-person streaming event! vdo.ninja is the perfect tool for you!
vdo.ninja turns your OBS virtual camera into a browser source link- which your collaborator can add on their stream! this is a new tool that i’ve added to my arsenal recently- since my friend and i are planning to stream a side order challenge together! i’ve still got to iron it out a bit more, but i like what i’ve used of it so far.
try it out for yourself at their website here (with documentation and demos available on the homepage!): https://vdo.ninja/ (no downloads required!)
ok! i’m set up! what now?
and with that, that’s all of the settings and tools that i thought would be worth mentioning! while most of my setup was written with video games in mind, some of these plugins and setups may be applicable to other types of videos (e.g. tabletop gaming with a physical camera)!
now that i’ve outlined all these settings, i have one more thing i have to say: regardless of what you're using OBS for, do a test recording before doing anything “official” with it. this recording can be as short as 30 seconds. it’s a good habit to develop that can make sure your streams/recordings turn out the way you want them to!
here are the kinds of things i like to check! it’s not an exhaustive list, but this can be a starting point:
video:
does my video look the way i want it to (and can my computer handle that)?
can my computer handle the load of encoding? - OBS will note in the bottom if the encoding is overloaded. if it can’t handle it, turn down your bitrate or adjust other encoding settings (e.g. i had to toggle psycho visual tuning OFF because it was causing lag)
this is especially the case if you're recording PC games- you don’t want to have slowdown on either your game or the recording!
audio:
are my audio sources (e.g. desktop audio and microphone) correct? - if you plug/unplug devices a lot, be sure to check this (settings -> audio).
are any of my audio sources muted? - make sure you don’t have anything on 🔇 if you don’t want it to be muted! otherwise the audio will be lost forever… (i lost my friend’s VC audio once… it was sad)
are my audio tracks separated properly? - requires you to boot up your editing software, but it's worth doing! for the test recording, just have something from all your sources playing at once, and see if your editor has things separated into tracks.
can i hear the voices clearly? or does the music and/or game overpower them?
if for whatever reason your OBS crashes, or you want more information on anything “critical” or “warning” worthy in your set-up, you can go to help > log files > upload current log file > analyze. crash logs currently can’t be analyzed by the log analyzer- but they’re a valuable tool when asking for help on the OBS forums!
and that’s all! for real, this time. i hope that some of these tools and settings can help anyone wanting to get more out of OBS. there’s definitely other things i didn’t touch upon (e.g. audio filters for noise compression, suppression, etc.), so i suggest doing your own research and trying things out!
happy recording/streaming, and thanks for reading! ✨
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qoldenskies · 2 months ago
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FIRST DRAFT DEFEATED!!! its 54k words currently
#personal#canary continuity#i still need to lengthen/change some scenes#theres some long exposition in some scenes that should probably just be cut for like. the events#leading up to the important moment.#although i enjoy representing the overthinking/anxiety so i'll try to find a way to keep most of it#and a currently really important foreshadowing/thematic scene i want to make more subtle#originally there was going to be more than what i ended up with but most of the time when i complain about pacing its LITERALLY just me#also i need to cut some repetition that isnt intentional for the sake of showing the kind of. circular self-blame going on in d's head#because especially in the face of a psychotic break its intentional. but in some places i need to make things more abstract i feel#im kinda happy with most of the early scenes though. favorite to write was mikey... whats going on in your head little guy#i love the little unnerving ways it shows they are still actually CONSCIOUS beneath whats going on. like enough to resist it sometimes#itll get explained more deeply in the aftermath oneshot but thats why the change was slow and subtle#it was more an alteration of their thought processes/intrusive thoughts that slowly ate them alive#the progression felt normal for them#but notably raph actually is holding back the whole time and i think thats pretty interesting#and actually kind of horrifying LOL he couldve been so much nastier#anyways ill stop yapping now. youll see what i mean when im done#its a really powerful curse. i actually have a lot of ideas for the character responsible that explains why#and i even know the motive behind it. im still a little iffy about including her or making her a continuous threat but i Miiiight
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 3 months ago
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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metanarrates · 4 months ago
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i can imagine you are quite busy and overall try to read everything more deeply, but still, it would be really really cool to dig your nails into umineko. reading umineko really highlighted orv's strong points, i can't wait to reread it. it's like two complementary pieces with them both deeply analysing the author and reader's relationship.
augh i read like 75% of umineko a couple of years ago and stopped for some reason! i think I was overwhelmed by the metaphysics of the story... but ive actually been considering giving it a reread! there are parts of it that have stuck with me a lot over the years and im a much more experienced reader now than i was then
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hungharrington · 5 months ago
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lbhslefttiddie · 2 years ago
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Update: I read the fic instead of sleeping and got juked into around 40k words of YQY and SY father-son relationship feels and then maybe 9k more of actual Qijiu starting to happen (?). I'm fucking dying. I'm also crying as I type this because the entire sequence of the past few chapters is just :^)
eh... you mean mouse on the thorn? its not actually that long is i
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what the fUCK
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penisbilt · 6 months ago
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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missusruin · 2 years ago
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Sorry for all the text posts lately but I wanted to say thank you to the anon(s) that gave the super super generous tips a few days ago! Yall are single-handedly funding my pc upgrade OTL I'm so excited to actually have a computer that can run animation/video editing/streaming programs without freezing ;;;;;;
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puppyeared · 1 year ago
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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spock-smokes-weed · 1 year ago
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the problem about being able to write a two page paper in under an hour is that your brain will start telling you "oh you can put that off until the last second" then you find yourself stressing over the fact that you ONLY have an hour to write a two page paper
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